The Institution of Resolutions

It's 2013! Crazy. When I was in school this would have been the year that cars flew and teleportation was possible. We are seriously behind, people. Of course, we do carry around our phones and they are also computers (sort of), so I guess we would still be pretty cool according to our 10-year-old selves.

So...it's resolution time! And, staying true to myself, I have procrastinated until the 4th to even put these down on paper. And I'm pretty sure it's not a good thing that I expect to not follow through with most of these. Maybe I'm a realist....but most likely, just lazy. I've had some stuff floating around in my head lately. Things that I know need to change, but that are forgotten by the end of the day. Like, I totally need to drink more water, like seriously, for my health, but when I lay (lie? idk) down in bed at night I realize I've completely forgotten to even TRY to drink more water. Stuff like that. So maybe getting it all out into the universe, as they say, will help. 

#1: DRINK MORE WATER!! Seriously. 

#2: Set a schedule. The last 2 years of our lives have been a little   chaotic/different. Our normal dynamic of dad at work all day/mom home with kid(s) all day has been a little disrupted and thus our routine has been disrupted. Our days feel unorganized (to me at least). I want to get back to some predictability to our day, which includes regular dinner times and nighttime routines.

#3: Get K to sleep through the night. (OMG, please!) He is 19 months old and last night I was up every 2 hours with him. Your sympathy is appreciated. If you count the end of pregnancy (which, I do) I am going on 2 years with only a handful of nights that I didn't have to wake up (and do stuff) several times a night. It affects our schedule (see #2) and I'm pretty sure it's why my brain feels like mush for most of the day. We are slowly working on getting there but he does have some extenuating circumstances that make the process a little more difficult. However, I'm crossing my fingers that 2013 will be our year. Otherwise, 2014 will be the year of the zombie. And that zombie is me.

#4: Read More. To the boys and to myself. I used to read to D every night. Every. Single. Night. That doesn't happen anymore, (see #2 AGAIN, argh). And I'm ashamed to admit that I've probably read to K less than 15 times in his 19 months. So. Awful. This has a little to do with the fact that having a baby and an older toddler, who do not have the same bedtime schedule, makes it more difficult to not just try to get K into bed quickly so that I can get back to making dinner or doing whatever it is I was doing. Their schedules are finally starting to get more in sync and I feel like a joint bedtime story is finally in our sights. I would also love to read to myself more than I do. I've always, always loved reading and I miss it. That should be reason enough to do it more, right?

#5: Keep the house cleaner. Ok, I totally laughed as I was typing that, but I'll leave it on here just for the comedic impact.

(Wow, this list is getting long.)

#6: Do more stuff for me. That sounds incredibly selfish, sure, but we've all heard that it's hard to take care of others if you don't take care of yourself. So in that vein, I want to look better and feel better. I'm going to get dressed, even though I might not have anywhere to go (she says as she still sits in her pjs at noon). Maybe I'll actually learn how to put on some makeup (gasp!). The dark circles under my eyes are in need of some immediate and major help. I care about fashion and I'm gonna act like it. I'm going to blog regularly. Notice I did not say frequently. Regularly. Once a week, once a month? I'm not sure. Hopefully, not once a year though. 

#7: STOP GIVING UP! This is a major one for me. One I'm sure I'll be working on my whole life. I get super excited about things/possibilities/projects, I do a little (or a lot of) research and quickly lose my motivation. It's fear, mostly. Fear that I'm not as good as people who are already doing it, fear that it won't work, fear of being criticized. I wasn't raised to be a quitter, so I'm not sure where it came from but it's a part of me and dadgummit, I'm gonna overcome it! (Bam! I just got serious on you there for a minute.)

Side Note: For some reason, this year, I have no desire to make eating better a part of my resolutions. I don't know why. It's strange, that's usually a given for New Year's resolutions. Totally not into it this time.


So there there are. My resolutions. A time-honored tradition of self-examination. I plan to make it to at least February. Good luck to us all!

We All Know What This Post Will Be About

I, like the rest of the United States, am trying to make sense of the madness. The unthinkable. The unimaginable. The very real. The events that happened at Sandy Hook Elementary are miles away, yet hit so close to home. Of course, I have young children. Children that will go to school very soon. Too soon now it feels like. Two days ago I couldn't wait for Kindergarten to arrive, now I'm hesitant. I know that the emotions will fade and that my optimism will return, but for today I am...hesitant...and conflicted. I'm not scared, because I can't allow my children to live their lives in fear. That would feel like some sort of victory for the shooter. But I'm hesitant to proceed as usual. I'm slower to drop my kids off at daycare, but I do it because they find joy in it. I give more thought to taking my kids to crowded places, but I do it because the stuff of childhood dreams is often found in crowded places. Maybe I do it because it keeps fear from slowly taking over. Maybe it's all just too much to process. I don't know.

And then there is the confliction. About everything, really. Is homeschooling the answer? My son's extreme social nature tells me no. My protective heart tells me maybe. Mental health. My compassion tells me that mental illness is a nasty, nasty cross to bear. However, there is never justification for the loss of innocent lives. I won't even get into gun-control issues, but I see value in both sides. Does media coverage compound the problem? The number of incidents since extensive media coverage has been the norm makes me think it certainly can't be helping. At the same time, nothing brings people together more than shared emotion/outrage/knowledge. Does social media help or hinder? Social media has been used to do some amazing, heart-warming things, which I hope is more common than the alternative, but it isn't immune to misuse. 

I do know that we will never have all the answers. That our best fixes are really just our best guesses...trying to remedy problems by predicting the actions of unpredictable beings. But what I also know is that most of us have the propensity to love and protect, to encourage and uplift, to overcome adversity and fear. For now, I prefer to put my faith in that rather than fear the unknowable.

Twelve. Times 3.

Hey, what's up? So it's 12/12/12. My sister's getting married today. In Costa Rica. That's pretty awesome. I'm not there. Obviously. Nobody was invited, it wasn't just me. She does like me.

What? What is everyone staring at? What do you mean I haven't posted in a year?? You're crazy. Take your crazy pills, man. I've been a frequent poster. Very frequent, in fact. Like, twice a day. I think you need to get your computer checked out. Weirdo.

Anyway, as you all know, through my frequent posts, things are going great around here. D is such a FUN kid. Oh my goodness, he just loves to ask questions. So many questions. Like, all the freaking time. It's so FUN! For a 4-year-old, he really makes you think. I think about things I never thought I would think about. For instance, why does Batman have a cape if he doesn't fly? Or who picked red to mean stop and why? Or my personal fav, why is that tree shaped like poop? It's like I'm in college again and he's my thought-provoking professor...that I swear hates me. Clearly, he's just trying to teach ME something because HE knows everything. Just ask him. Did I mention how FUN it is?

K does not ask as many questions. In fact, he asks no questions. He doesn't talk. Unless you consider babbling talking. I call it communication, whining, grunting, but definitely not talking. I don't even get a "mama". Can't a girl get a little heart-melting "mama" once in awhile? I know it's a gateway word. A gateway to the FUN that is endless questions (see above), but it's just so darn cute the first few times.

D and K (too bad we don't live in NY. Get it? DKNY? Eh.) get along most of the time. Although D did just ask for an older brother so that he can be more rough with him. Oddly, the Professor couldn't understand why I couldn't produce an older brother for him. K, well he just thinks D is the bee's knees. He follows D around, cries when D is in trouble, laughs when D mows him down under the guise of playing football and just generally thinks he's the coolest. I'm really looking forward to the constant bickering once they are both verbal. Really, I am. If the Halloween incident is any indication, we are in for it. (You remember the Halloween incident. I wrote about it several weeks ago. Remember that post? Seriously, you guys are having memory problems. You may want to watch this.)

Working Title: Naughty Jumper

So recently some of my friends have been going through very trying times. And I feel for them so much. I think about how easily it could be my family going through the same things. And then I look for all the differences in their situations to reassure myself that it won't be happening to us. (Am I the only one that does that?) It always gets me thinking though...I should be more patient and loving with my family. Right? Right? Well apparently I'm an awful person because that lasts about 2 hours and I'm back to feeling aggravated and annoyed. Who are these people that actually learn lessons from other people's situations? My intentions are good. I know I would be devastated if something happened to my husband or my children, but someone needs to give them the memo too. "Can you stop being so annoying, so Mommy can appreciate you more?" Something like that. In fact, D's favorite thing to tell me lately is that I'm being naughty. Yes, that's right, I'm naughty. I tell him naughty things. Such as..."It's time to go to bed."..."Wipe your peepee off the toilet seat, please."..."No, you can't have candy for breakfast." (Just so you know, I use "..." when I have no idea what the punctuation should be. This, by no means, means I will actually use punctuation correctly when I do use it. Thank you, college.) Apparently I'm awful. But somehow I'm still his favorite. Much to my husband's disappointment. All because he's 3...that's my mantra lately...he's 3. I'm a logical person, I know he isn't, because he's 3, but gosh dangit if he can't make me envision jumping off a rooftop somewhere. 

I try to live in the moment, make memories, laugh at all the things that make me want to pull my hair out but it's just not as easy as they make it seem on TV  And I've watched enough of it to know.


Sidenote: Just watched them spray paint a Christmas tree on a dog on the news. WTF? 


See? I watch a lot of TV. Those kids on TV (not the ones spray painting the dog, those were adults) must have been given the memo...or a script! Aha! That's the problem. I need to give my kids a script. Problem solved. Carry on.

Things I love about D

Everything. Almost everything.

Pirate Party? I so got this.

Two posts? Whaaat?! I'm officially doing better than last time. I'm so awesome. I did have to bribe myself with lunch, like I don't get any until I write this. But that's normal, right? I should have bribed myself with something better, ah well, lesson learned. On to the post!


So we had a little party on Saturday...just about 35 people, including about 15 kids. Excessive for a 3-year-old you say? I say...yeah, you're probably right. It was a lot of pirate madness. You know how you plan for weeks, or months in some cases, and you feel like you know exactly how it's gonna go down? You have everything planned out so there's no downtime, no room for chaos. And then the party starts and suddenly it's like you threw it together that day. No one knows what's going on, the kids have their own ideas of what's going to happen at this party...and sadly, it's not what YOU had planned. "Excuse me, you don't like these awesome cardboard pirate hats I ordered?? How do you expect to be a pirate without a hat?!" And maybe you learn that the party you planned for a 3-year-old was better suited for 5-6 year olds. That was me in a nutshell. More lessons learned. But it really was fun and I've been told it was not quite as chaotic as it seemed to me. Really? Kinda unbelievable, but if you say so. Let me just add that there were unintentional soakings, near-fatal baseball bat swinging and some punch that I tasted after the party that was PURE sugar. No signs of chaos there. 


I still prefer the home party to the have-it-somewhere party. More work for me, but hopefully more memories for him. 


I leave you with a picture of the birthday boy. Not because no post is complete without a picture, but because I think he's adorable and I want you to look at him.

Oh and one more lesson learned. Don't rent a lens to take awesome pictures of the party when you're the one that has to run the party. Unless you have more than one head and two arms.

I'm Bringing Blogging Back...Yeah!

Wow, two years since my last post. And there were only two posts? Why did I even start a blog? Peer pressure, I'm sure. Darn you, peers! So now I'm at that place where so much has happened that I don't even know where to start. Uhhhh. Hmmmmm. You know what I'm talking about. That moment when you realize that you have so much to do that you don't know where to start, so you just stare at everything? Then you decide that you can just start it later. I know you know. Don't deny it. In fact, I actually decided to start this blog up again while NOT doing all the things that need to be done before *D's party this weekend. For those that don't know (I know that's no one at this point, but I have to plan ahead for the throngs of people who will be reading my blog within months...what?), D is my soon-to-be 3 year old. Do you know how hard it is to plan a pirate party?? Well it's hard. Did you know there are about a million things you could do for a pirate party? Well there are. So I know you're saying, "Q, what's the problem? Sounds like you have lots of options." Well I'm a Libra! That's the problem! I can't make decisions to save my life! Too many options is a bad thing. Very bad. Yep, getting overwhelmed just thinking about it. Let's talk about something else.

So if you read my very first post then this next bit is kinda funny. I actually had another child! Whaaat?! It's true. He will be known as K from here on out. (I wonder how long it will be before I just say (type) their names? Anyone care to wager?) So K was born in June and he's pretty cool. You know how they say the second one is easier? I'm going to concur. Still didn't sail through that newborn stage but the infant stage is going swimmingly. More of a dog paddle than a butterfly stroke, but at least we're not drowning. I still worry about things (like I mentioned here) but definitely not as much. Or maybe just different stuff, I don't know. All I know is I got my first kid to the age of 3, so I'm feelin good about being able to do the same for kid #2.

I think I'm going to leave it at that for today. That felt good. I feel like that was the equivalent of doing a couple loads of laundry. Remember? So much to do that you just stare? I'm bringing it full circle, baby.

*Names have been shortened to first initials only...cause....well that's what everyone does.

UPDATE: I notice that there is only 1 previous post. That's even worse than I thought.